week 9 already!
very soon the sem will come to an end! cant wait. feeling the fatigue already=/
and in a few weeks' time the bidding starts again. gosh the nightmare of planning a perfect timetable and dliemma of which mods to take. and im still on the fence: i dont know if i should take 4 or 5 mods next sem=/ if i take 5 i'll have to deal with 5 final exams and im not sure if i can take that amount of stress. ah wells i shall just heed my friends' advice. check the exam schedule. haha.

anyways went to STRIP after class! i love it there. the people are so warm and friendly plus it didnt hurt as much as i thought it would! hehe.

boohoo two classes tmr=/ cos of ft. stupid. really really cant wait for this sem to be over!

ohh! we went to watch cloudy ytd. funny and cute movie! loved it=D it's light hearted and it took my mind off school=D looks like sundays have become a movie day for us. lol. and there are so many nice movies coming up! i wanna watch this eddie murphy show and ebenezer scrooge! oh yea i still havent seen 500 days of summer yet=/ oh! and there's still MJ this is it. wah so many movies to watch. pocket got hole LIAO. LOL=>

ok i wanna watch tv. baybay. 

the world is coming to an end.
i think the most prudent judge cant even salvage the injustice that was brought upon me.
i feel so wronged. 
it's like what you see in tv shows. 
you know you're not the murderer but ppl just accuse you and refuse to listen to your side of story. and even if they did, they would not have believed it. you know, now i truly am able to empathise with such persons. well, maybe the context is different but the idea is there. 

the feelings sucks man. i mean, what i did was totally and purely out of fun's sake and sincerity. YET what i did was thought to be out of petty intentions. is that how i am to you? would i do such a thing? come on, i have far better things to do than post a stupid comment on YOUR FB for an ulterior motive. isnt it ridiculous? why would anyone think of that ? unless in your eyes im such an evil person. 

anger set in and my face got so hot during class just now that i thought i would just explode there and then. but i kept telling myself there's just no point mulling over sth that is not true. i know i didnt do it for any purpose other than pure fun and that's enough. my conscience is clear. yes, i expected sth more endearing, sth that wasnt so neutral. is that wrong too? so then what? for this reason you self-righteously believed that i did it out of some hideous motive? 

then came the hurt. so is that how you see me as? someone who does things to satisfy her perverse desires? 

i just feel so empty and downright discouraged.
so that's all i am to you as a person. 
calculative and scheming.

 today marks my longest day of the term. am staying in school till 9ish for mcomm presentation=/ and right now im whiling my time away at classroom 3.5 (my ltb venue last sem!) hearing my groupmates practicing for this evening's presentation and trying to memorize my script (which i dont think it's possible). haha. still another 2 hrs plus before the presentation and im feeling so bored and sleepy. how i wish i was at home now taking a nice nap and watching tv=/ ah wells. 

anyways.
ANYWAYS.
BACKSTREET BOYS IS LAUNCHING THEIR NEW ALBUM THIS OCTOBER=D 
im vvveeerrryyyyy excited! the news came to me just today. slow right haha! i thought they had disbanded! but nooooo. they are back with a new album and i know it's gonna be awesome=D just heard 'straight through my heart' and im totally in love with it=D i know it sounds secondary sch-ish but im still gonna say: BSB FOREVER. LOL. cant wait to get my hands on their new album!

one more week to recess. do i feel relieved? NO. big sigh.

aiyayaya i cant wait for the day to end. pretty tired and i wanna hug my brownie=p he's a super cute and cuddly teddy bear=D you'll love him when you see him! HEHE. 

alrighty that's all for now. 

gotta think of what to eat for dinner later.

STUDY HARD!

done with report for comp law. the most productive thing i've done today! feel really happy cos i wont have slog through my sunday to finish it=) 

been a crazy week 6! what with all the tests and presentations and project meetings! but thanks God it's all over! for now, at least. haha. 

mon
mcomm project meeting! very productive=)

tues
finance quiz. nerve-wrecking! can you imagine having the prof discuss the answers right after it? lol.

wed
ais midterm. feel so insecure about my diagrams=/
comp law presentation.
mcomm project meeting.
the ugly truth with him!=) 

thurs
tuition with the twinnies.
cg! 

today
resting and mugging day=)

sighhh there's mcomm makeup lesson plus a graded assignment tmr. sian. and i totally dont know how im gonna deliver an acceptable negative msg. i really have no talent in writing business letters=/ 

ah wells. 

LATER!

 life aint so good. 
prayers went unanswered.
backs turned against you.
much to be done in so little time.
tell me life's still good amidst all these. 

where is the sun when you need it? i need a ray of hope please. 
sigh.

i think i think too much, read too much into things. and then i get headaches analyzing things, breaking them down to smaller parts so i can digest and understand. and then nothing comes out of it. so what's the point of cracking your head for naught? 

it's easy to say i will have faith. i will believe no matter what. i will move forward and keep on believing i will see the light at the end of the tunnel. 
easier said than done. when faced with the actuality of events, it's just so hard to do what your mind knows. and then i will start reasoning, weighing everything and anything, just to explain to myself the situation im in. then i get confused. and i start to reason and analyze again. and it can go on and on and on. never-ending. it's tormenting, knowing that you have no control over what's gonna happen. there is no way you can ever know what holds for you in the future. 

sigh. humans and their sinful wills. 
i guess God made it this way so we would seek Him, ask Him, pray to Him, trust in Him. in all these bad things He makes us go through, He wants to make it clear to us that He is God. ok God, i get it, YOU WIN. all wells He always wins. haha. 

what's the moral of the story?
trust in Him, have faith.
so keep going, keep going, keep going!

He makes us fall so we will know how to trust.
even if He makes us fall, He will pick us up again.

=)

man, i cant wait to graduate. life as an undergrad is just so stressful=/

p.s. cant wait for the choccos he's gonna give me tmr! better rmb! hehe. 

 call me paranoid please. 
it's kinda embarrassing the thoughts i had last night. i was surfing fb and i saw a picture that sets off my inner alarm. BEEP BEEP it shrieked. and i was deliberating over if i should say how i felt. at first i just wanted to shrug it off and convince myself it's nth at all. but being me, i said. of course it turned to be NULL. aye. i guess i still havent reached the maturity yet and all these childish feelings came riding into my head. STILL. when i look at it, i feel so unreasonably peeved. no brains? no limits? i kept asking over and over in my head. i wouldnt do this. i wouldnt do that. but we are not each other so i cant expect everyone to be the same, think the same, do the same thing. gosh i just feel so lame thinking about all these. it's funny. i was like asking myself so you wanna waste your time dwelling on these useless things instead of doing your assignments, studying for your mods? sometimes the time i spend thinking could have used to complete a chapter of walter woon. lol. ah wells. i've let the matter rest. it's just so lame. lol. 

week's coming to an end. scary how time flies. haha. classes ended on wed for this week. hardly had time to do any school work ytd. morning was  spent at spca doing cat shelter duty. i really love animals. just the sight of the little cats and dogs lightened my mood. they make csp enjoyable=D met two new friends too! haha. then tb and i were supposed to cook spags for lunch at my place. but he came late and there wouldnt be enough time. so we settled for macs. haha. and apple pie for dessert! hung out at my place watching tv. love the company=) cg at night. loved it too! though i reached the place in a bad mood, i left with a smiling heart=) my dad is just the best. sponsored my cab fare from bedok to home! heh. 



friends i have shut out for a long time wish i could have them back. 

strong front. indifferent facade.
deep down it's weak and longing for a friend's love. 
is it really true that you cant have everything?
i have God's love, i have his love, but friends' love i have not. sometimes i tell myself i have no need of it cos they come and go. but i still yearn for it. i still yearn for a friend who will be there to share my joy and carry my burdens with. 

but. i have both a friend and lover in him. i have my Best Friend in Heaven. i should be thankful=)
best friends i have two=)

this morning i woke up to a nice rainy weather. loved it=) 
after a busybusy week i've finally had a chance to stay home for my m&r day. Mugging & Resting Day. haha. rather productive day i've had. managed to finish my readings for next CL lesson. FINALLY. haha. now im gonna enjoy my filet my mum bought. heh. 

despite the horrendous driving lesson i had, ytd was a good day=) i love pst phil he's such a funny preacher. and he's just so anointed! spent the rest of the evening at vivo with him=) hee. anyways i've decided to give up driving for now. i know you would say gotta be a good finisher. but i guess it's just not the right time now. over and over i've told myself that but i still feel so stuck after every lesson. and i feel so stressed out whenever i think of driving so it's really pointless to continue with it. in church we're always taught to be good finishers, to stretch our limits, for in God nothing is impossible. i believe that but i also believe there's a time for everything. so i guess now is just not a good time to bulldoze my way through the lessons cos it's just gonna get worse and what good would it do? money and time wasted in futile works. and i've completely lost every little bit of interest that i miraculously possess in driving. no interest + no skill = no use. haha. sososo it's no more driving for me for at least a good few years. honestly, it's a very big relief to think that i wouldnt have to waste my time and my dad's money to get myself humiliated. driving is my nemesis. HOHO. 

ah wells. it may sound funny but i guess God wants me to have a taste in things that i wouldnt have imagined myself to do or be in. though it may not turn out well or what i'd like, it's still an invaluable experience that i wouldnt mind adding to my collection. =) then again who knows what God's plans are for sure? perhaps when there comes the right time in life, i might take it up again. but i secretly doubt it HAHA. we shall see we shall see. 

on a lighter note, i finally went to spca for volunteer work on thurs. it was FUN. LOADSA FUN. walking the dogs is no easy task. there are so many things to learn about dogwalking. my dogwalking mentor was a really pleasant lady. she shared so much with me and i hung on to her every word. haha. it feels so darn good to be doing sth that i like=) 

alrighty im starving. gonna munch now.

LATER.

tiredd.
driving in the morning, which totally sucked. very very demoralized. but i dont care im still pressing on. heck you driving instructor!
had a lot of spare hours before cit and so i took my own sweet time walking to the bus stop to take bus 58 to bishan interchange. the original plan was to get a bottle of liang teh and make my way to sch where i wanted to have lunch and rot at. oh and collect my matric card. BUT sth earth shaking stopped me in my tracks.
M]PHOSIS SALE.
ah well yes it was like a bottomless pit. spinning deeper and deeper into the sea of items on sale. in the end i bought 3 tops and a necklace. well it was too good a deal to pass. haha. so much for the promise i've made to myself! at least the little shopping trip cheered me up from the disastrous driving lesson.

collected my matric card, bought my textbooks and went for the cit helpdesk session. finally finally installed all the windows stuff! yay. 

and today's the last day of his tests! and it's hols for him now! haha. lucky him heh. 

ok time to hit the sack.

LATER=)

yay finally ran today! havent done so in 4 days=/ felt so unhealthy. haha.

tuition with the twinnies later.
so tired. wish i could just rot away at home! haha. but nvm i shall think of the $$$ im gonna receive later! haha.  gotta start saving and stop spending=/ sooo. i have promised myself not to shop for at least 1 month. but there's just one thing i need: a new pair of shorts. then again i dont feel the urge to get one yet. ah wells. 

anyways ytd was the longest day ever. went for cit (yes, again) to do bootcamp and guess what. i gotta go back again on fri to install microsoft office and the whatnots cos i forgot to bring my dvd media and there wasnt enough time. UGH. did the bootcamp so many times! ais at 12. it was alright haha. the prof's funny and he seems nice. heh. after that was company law till 6.45=/ boring. but i thank God for hsiaoen! a good friend+company to have in class! LOL. and turned out jocelyn and josephine (from my biz law class last sem) are in the same class as us! groupmates yay=D after the long dreary hours in sch, sitting on the swivel chair till my ass hurts, it was tuition at 7.45=/ was so exhausted when i reached home. 

week 1 in sch isnt so bad yet. but wait till the subsequent weeks. gonna be hell. SIGH. 

and today's gonna be a long day too. tuition till 5.30 and cg after that. honestly i feel the urge to skip it today. but i know i shouldnt cos there'll always be sth great to take home afterwards. and that's peace=) haha. YUP. gogogo! 

not looking forward to driving on fri=/

LATER. 

 sigh.
i still cant face reality.
FIRST DAY IN SCH TODAY. =/ when im supposed to be slacking at home, watching tv till i rot, snacking, napping. but nooooo. i spent my entire day at smu, thinking of what i would have been doing otherwise. severely delusional. 

the brand new sem started off with CIT. configured maccie and gosh, it was stressful. didnt get to do the bootcamp part in the end cos i didnt want to miss my first lesson of the term. good student huh. hehe. mc was pretty light, though we were given our very first hw even before sch started. haha. the prof's funny and nice=) and amanda's a good friend to have in class! =) so i guess the first day back in campus isnt so horrendous after all. but of course, all things change when the profs start piling our plates with more than what we can stomach, let alone digest. sigh. pathetic life of a student. =/ 

finance tmr morning! man i hope i dont fall asleep during class. haha. cant wait for wed to come! and it's HELLO weekend=D i shall enjoy as much as i can before the storm comes. yay=) 

chloe makes a nice baptism name=) that is, if im going for it. haha.

feel so lazy to bathe. will do after a short nap!

LATER=)

p.s. i love my new themessage bible=) it's so much easier to read! =))

Naked I came from my mother's womb, 
   naked I'll return to the womb of the earth.
God gives, God takes. 
   God's name be ever blessed.      
                                                              Job 1:21